Doubting Thomas

Sometimes intuition can feel utterly insane. What’s to trust in these seemingly random events? We may argue with the Lord within who is showing us the beauty of miracles, but there’s something that blossoms from following these insane impulses.

We’re going back in time. It’s time.

I had this bizarre week back when I was staying in New York. I was cat sitting in the city, and I was trying to see who I should connect with. I wanted to make new friends and find myself at home.

Monday morning, I’m scrolling Instagram and an opera singer, sound healer, much like myself keeps popping up. Then, even when I’m not on my phone, a little voice says, “Elly!”

So, I message her to connect. She invites me to her show on Friday. I go, but I get there just as the set is finishing because of traffic. We talk for about ten minutes and she invites me to come to her sound bath the following day. Sure!

I go to the sound healing and am drenched in amazing vibrations. She is so good at what she does. Cloud nine experience. She doesn’t have time to chat afterword, so I leave. No one else to connect with yet. Across the street I see a venue that I reached out to do my own work at. I think, “Ok, let’s check it out since we’re here, and maybe we can talk to someone in person.”

No managers are around, so I people watch.

A peculiar man catches my attention. He’s blond with neatly cut hair and a red beard. His eyes are piercing blue and slightly erratic. He’s wearing a buffalo plaid jacket and khakis and eating bodega bought Häagen Dazs and drinking Martinelli’s apple juice. He stands out in this conscious eating crowd, clearly having brought his own sustenance along.

I get invited into ANOTHER sound bath. “Why not?” I have time. I slip into the back room, through the curtain. It’s dark and they’re displaying unique video imagery on the wall. This sound bath isn’t what I would call a bath or healing. It’s kinda vanilla. More like a strang New York art installment that won’t be around much longer, but I stay.

Behind me I can feel Mr. Buffalo Plaid fidgeting. He’s not that into the experience either.

After, I slip back into the cafe area and people watch, seeing if anyone catches my eye. Still Mr. BP draws my attention. I hear him talking to the staff about hotels and realize that he doesn’t have a place to stay. Where is he from?

I feel slightly compelled to talk to him, but another woman beats me to it. So, instead, I eavesdrop. Not hard, because he’s got a loud voice and he’s very excited about what he’s talking about. 

I catch, “When we’re not in our purpose, we’re in pain.” He said something else that resonated about intuition, so I knew he was speaking on a level about things that was above what most people casually converse about. I was intrigued. But, man did he feel aggressive. I felt kinda sorry for the woman who approached him. What did she sign up for?

I debated leaving, but something inside me compelled me to stay. I thought to wait out if this woman would leave and I could approach this man, but I also didn’t want to. He felt agitated in his excitement and I wanted to be calm.

Eventually, I left. They were still talking, or more, he was still expositioning his theories to her. Feeling for her, and knowing she had noticed me, I placed a kind hand on her shoulder before leaving. She responded with a beautiful warmth.

I got to the subway platform, waiting for the next train when I put in my earbuds. I was listening to a song I improvised one night on stage in Bali. It was so good I wanted to really get into what I had created in that moment. It felt right. I pushed play, “This man walked in. I didn’t know what to do. He had a grumpy face and I wasn’t sure.”

Holy fuck!

This man was the man in my song. The chorus of this song is, “Say yes to this life!” Because, “you never know what will happen when that grumpy man walks up to you again and again.”

Shit!

I had to go back. Begrudgingly, since I’d paid my subway fare, I went back off the platform and down the street to the venue. I looked into the cafe and they were still talking.

Drat!

I had so much resistance to going in there, but the impulse was strong. In addition to the song, I had these voices constantly saying, “Go in there and talk to him.” 

I had a conversation with them. It went like this…

“They’re still talking. I don’t want to interrupt.”

“Interrupt them. It’ll be fine.”

“But I don’t want to be late tonight.”

“You have plenty of time.”

“Really?” Looking up like there’s something above me speaking.

“Really.”

“Arg!” Stamps feet and spins in a circle before walking straight up to these two people talking.

“Hey. This may sound strange, but I just felt compelled to come back here and talk to you.”

The woman looked at me with wonder, “Wow! Way to follow your intuition.”

The man softened, slightly caught off guard, but there was a warmth in him as well that hadn’t shown itself previously.

I ended up talking to the woman for a while. We connected immediately and I held her hand while we talked.

The man got up and down, fidgeting and seeming unable to be still while we talked. At one point he interrupted, “You see? You see? This! This is what I mean. You can do this thing, but for me would be unnatural.” Referring to our hands.

The rest of the evening feels absolutely fantastical to me. I made a new friend of this woman, a connection that is so deeply loving for me now. The man and I traveled together to my next destination and parted after I became his next expository victim, but I insisted on other connection, so I managed to captivate him with my eyes from time to time until we reached the end of the line. He hugged me longer and deeper than any stranger I’ve ever hugged and then I walked through the next door and he was gone. No number and back to his home country the following day.

I ended the evening by singing for my wonderful friend’s birthday and making a few new connections, glowing off the experience I’d just had.

The following Thursday, I meet up with my new friend, Titania. I love her name. There’s a beautiful aria from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, “Je suis Titania.” I am Titania, queen of the fairies. This woman is magic, a fairy indeed.

We talk about many things, but, of course, I fill her in on the details of mine and this man’s interaction after parting. I also discover why they were at the venue that day. They were in a forum with a speaker who specializes in spiritual awakenings and creates a lot of content on YouTube.

I knew this content creator and had very much enjoyed her content when I discovered it a year ago, but I’m not huge on diving down a rabbit hole, so I hadn’t watched in a while.

That night I watched some of her content and was enjoying the experience. I only would do so intuitively though, so I didn’t watch much.

Two weeks later…

I need a job!

I’m scrambling. I can’t use my voice much. It’s time to get serious about taking care of my vocal folds and it’s time to get serious about having a steady income.

I’m filling out applications, kinda in a depression at times. I feel the weight of my lack of working for another person, having no references for the past five years, the intensity of creating a resume and portfolio. I really hated this process, so I got derailed and started this blog up again (I had one earlier in 2023 if you didn’t know… maybe I’ll share some of the archives later.) That day, having done so much, I was exhausted. I didn’t know what to do.

My friends in Bali and a few others had commented on my writing skills being very good.

Yeah, but I write my blog for myself. It’s very narrational. It’s fun to read, but can I write for someone else?

“Yes, you can!” That voice again.

Furthermore, you can assimilate other people’s voices. Your a genre chameleon, as you’ve proven with your songwriting.

Hmmm…

Texting with another friend… I had just sent her a video from this content creator, having dove back into her content from my experience two weeks ago that left me high as Willie Nelson… I had a full on epiphany.

I’ll write for her!

The content creator!

I can write for her.

And, I knew she needed written content.

The next day, I set aside all of my dutiful resume and portfolio building and did one thing. I watched one of her videos and I wrote a demo article. Then I prepared an email and sent it.

I knew she needed me.

Four hours later…

An Email in my inbox

Thank you for reaching out. She has been wanting to hire another transcriber/editor to turn her videos into articles. She had hired one last year, but the transcriber suddenly left. 

What is your rate per video you would convert into an article? 

A few back and forths and I had a contract and money in my bank by the end of the next day!

I created a job out of thin air! 

I didn’t stay in this amazing stream of serendipity and intuition, but I LOVE this job. It’s exactly what I needed, from the money to the content I’m being exposed to, to the challenge of leveling up my writing skills to do different things.

This is how beautifully the universe can take care of us. Trusting in the calm to be led to the thing that lights up our heart and gives us what we need.

Bring it on, universe. I’m ready.

It is easy for me to receive!

Photo Credit: Gerald Karam