First Silence

With my second session of speech therapy, all sorts of things are already beginning to happen. Perhaps these will unravel in posts coming up. Today, I’m sharing my silence.

My voice was extremely tired yesterday from stress and talking. I had a conversation with one woman about observing silence, and it’s something I feel is very important for me, but I thought I’d wait.

A day…

I meant to wait for a more convenient time, but sitting in a Brooklyn apartment on a day I was meant to go jam with musicians feels about right.

So, I’m silent.

I wanted to listen to and work on my past recordings to share with the world. This seems to be too close to the subject. I thought, too, that I might fill this day with repetitive activities while I watched “The Little Mermaid” and contemplated what it is to have or to lose or give up your voice. While listening to a lecture on mantras, I noticed my vocal folds tighten and I noticed that my conscious awareness of them was divided and I feel to be fully present with them. It seems any intentional playing of sound, whether from my mouth or video or radio is out. I don’t mind. I enjoy a good fast. It shifts one’s perspective. So, today I shift in my own chosen silence.

And resting… deep rest.

Silence is powerful. We learn a lot in the absence of something. We learn to observe and see what we’ve been filling the space with and learning that the space is often already full. We need not add anything to it.

Will I leave the silence before the peonies bloom?